Posts tagged with hepatitis

Of Speculums and Sexual Health

  • Posted on September 29, 2010 at 4:40 pm

I went for my sexual health check up today. Nothing wrong that I’m aware of, but like most escorts, I go for tests every three months, just to be sure. Most prostitutes do not fit the disease riddled stereotypes, we are very careful and are tested more often than most!

So, Stephie Goes To The Clap Clinic…

First, I rush across town, because, of course, I’m running late. Just make it in time, then sit in the waiting room for half an hour reading ‘Heat’ (apparently, Cheryl isn’t going out with SomeblokeI’veneverheardof!) and looking at some posters about Why It’s A Good Idea To Use Condoms.

The doctor comes and calls my name – first name only, well the world doesn’t need to know my business now, does it? We go off to a private room and discuss why I’m at the clinic. I’m honest about my profession, the doctors here don’t judge, and they need to know. As well as the usual ‘Are you on any medication? Do you have any allergies?’ type questions, I’m asked if I have any discharge or pain (no), when I last had sex and whether or not it was with a client, if I do vaginal (yes), oral (yes) and anal sex (no), if I use condoms (always) and if any have broken recently (no), if any of my clients are intravenous drug users (not that I’m aware of) or bisexual (again, not that I’m aware of, but I don’t know). We establish that I’m on the pill, I have regular smears and I’ve never been pregnant, then go off into another room for the tests.

I go behind a curtain to undress my bottom half and put on one of those open backed hospital gowns, then sit myself on the paper covered chair and wait for the doctor and a nurse to come back. First, a visual check for genital warts, all clear. Now, speculum at the ready, and we begin The Great Cervix Hunt! A couple of simple vaginal swabs,  then the doctor takes a look for my cervix. Sometimes it’s just sat there, waiting to be sampled; not today. Today I tilt up, cough, and lie with my fists under my bottom before she spots it - elusive little thing! I should stress that this isn’t the case for everyone, so ladies, please don’t be put off having check ups because of my odd anatomy, it is a much simpler process for most. Cervix located, various swabs are taken and put onto petri dishes and slides. We aren’t finished down there yet though. The doctor decides to take some anal samples. I don’t like things up my bottom. Not even really skinny stick things. But, it’s only two, so a few seconds discomfort and it’s all done. Ya big baby Steph! A throat swab for good measure, and I can put my pants back on. Once I’m dressed the nurse takes a blood sample, and that’s it. Testing done!

Not time to go home yet though. The slides can be looked at there and then, so I go back to the waiting room to finish flicking through ‘Heat’ until my name is called again. Off I go to another little room, this time with a nurse. She tells me I don’t have thrush or bacterial vaginosis (bv). Good. And checks my phone number is correct for texing the rest of the results, which will take a couple of weeks. 

That’s it! I was there an hour, mostly in the waiting room. Not painful, not embarrassing, and I was given a nice stash of condoms and lubricant to keep me busy!

Kisses, Stephanie xxx

A little update: All results negative x

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